SUBJECT: GOP Brain Failure Indicators Thirty indicators your are leaning a little too far to the right, in fact you have gone off the edge! If you have any of these indicators you should seek psychotherapy immediately and stay as far away from the voting booth as possible on election day! Warning: You should also stay away from children because if you have some of these ideas in your brain they can be contagious and harmful to the health and welfare of minors! 1. You voted for Ross Perot and will continue to do so from now until you die even if his name isn't on the ballot. 2. Thirty odd years later you are still looking on the map to find a state named KENT. 3. You begin every day by looking for the other sock; then you remember you used it for toilet paper. 4. You spend your weekends camped out in the desert watching for UFOs from the planet Reagan. 5. You have been abducted by aliens twice; the last time they dropped you off on another planet, Earth, and you are waiting to catch a bus ride on a comet home. 6. The last time you read the newspaper was when... you still can't remember. 7. You think your grandchildren are all going to hell because they voted for Clinton. 8. You keep hearing voices telling you to go to Washington and shoot at the White House. 9. You are sure that our nation is doomed because Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton had oral sex in the White House. 10. You believe the president is lying about everything and is really an alien from the planet Fellatio. 11. You retired from the military and suddenly realized there are no jobs for real men; so now you are planning to bomb a federal building in the Midwest somewhere. 12. You painted your house red, white and blue with stripes down the drive way and stars on the roof. 13. You watch O'Reilly and have video taped every program; but now you find all your tapes are blank because you were putting them in the toaster. 14. You are a contributing member of the 700 Club and believe the Holy Bible should be the only school text book. 15. The last time you took a shower the drain got clogged so you called a TV repairman. 16. Your wife and children left you because your gun collection was taking over the bedroom. 17. You dream that Newt Gingrich will be elected president and that when you wake up you will find yourself on the planet Reagan. 18. You are losing your hair and are sure Clinton is to blame. 19. You have moved three times in as many years because a black, oriental or Hispanic family moved into your neighborhood. 20. The only part of the Constitution you believe is the Second Amendment. 21. Your favorite gun is a Glock 26 or 27 which you sleep with under your pillow in case Janet Reno's ATF storm troopers should pay you a late night visit. 22. The church you go to has a moat and barbed wire around it and a swastika atop the steeple. 23. Next to the American flag over your bed is a picture of Adolf Hitler. 24. In your prayers you ask god, who appears in the form of Ronald Reagan, to save the world from all homosexuals, AIDs infected demons. 25. You believe god has forgiven you for all your sins but you still think all black people should be shipped back to Africa. 26. You plastered your car with so many "Impeach Clinton" bumper stickers that now you can't see how to drive. 27. You haven't had an erection in over 20 years and are afraid if you take VIAGRA you will turn into a democrat. 28. You have a white robe and hood in your closet which you only wear on very special cross burning occasions. 29. You are still trying to figure out why your drains are as clogged as your head... even after the television repair man removed a dozen socks from your toilet. 30. You suck your Glock every night wondering if pulling the trigger will get you back to the planet Reagan or if you should wait and catch a ride on the next comet?COPYRIGHT 1998 By Terry Lynch This material is published for its entertainment and educational value only. No insults or injury is intended. The author is not liable for any misuse whatsoever of this material. Your constructive criticism and enlightened remarks will be appreciated. Please refrain from name calling, making personal insults, flaming or any other form of defamation directed at the author or other private citizens (people not running for political office and not celebrities). Humorous replies are most welcome and may be send it via e-mail to: Terry Lynch. For further reading or information please visit these sites: The Pyrotechnic Pen Lynch Links Bigotry Quiz GOP Brain Failure Indicators What Is Starr Hiding: Did Investigators Proposition Monica Lewinsky? Did Deal With Starr Include Oral Sex? 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