The Pyrotechnic Pen


By Terry Lynch
A collection of editorial letters, position papers, essays and other writings.

Subject: Let the debates end! Sling mud instead.



Scrap the debates! Scrap the $250.00 Dick Chaney plate dinners. What I would really like to see is the candidates go head to head in a mud wrestling contest! Sell tickets for $20.00 a pop and hold them in stadiums. The profits could be donated to charity or public education.

Such mud wrestling contests between candidates would accomplish considerably more than television debates which no one watches. Let's face it, unless a candidate is running for President of the United States, the majority of the voting public is going to tune in to HBO or Cinemax and watch a movie rather than a boring local political debate.

But if the candidates would adopt mud wrestling as a method of fund raising at least something positive would come from their mud slinging. This would also have great appeal to that portion of the public which has a beat 'em up, couch potato, pay per view wrestling mentality. Also it would certainly give sexy females a better shot at getting elected.

The candidates might also generate more attention if they would shave their heads like Minnesota's Governor Jesse Ventura, a former wrestler and Navy SEAL, who has shown that people really are more interested in being entertained by politicians than giving serious consideration to issues.

Plus, the candidates could even get big corporations like Nike and Busch beer to sponsor their mud slinging challenges for political office. What a relief that would be as lobbiest could hang up their shingles and go home. As for the race issue, mud wrestling would end the black-white political divide, as mud caked candidates would all be the same color!

Let's face it, debates and $250.00 plate dinners are forms of politics which appeal only to the intellectual and elite minority. On the other hand, mud wrestling for votes would appeal to the vast majority of Alabama voters, raise more money and get more people interested in the political arena than any amount of orally broadcast political babble.




Sincerely,
Terry Lynch
Date: 14 August, 2002

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